SPQT -- Sofia & the terrible, rotten, no-good, very bad day

Sorry this took so long. It was a hard summary to write, because (as I quickly figured out) Sofia had tapped into that reservoir of junior-high-based rage we all carry around, and there was a lot to sort out. I asked Damon to ellipse out anything he considers too much for the group, but I had to write it all, because I've got two weeks to take Sofia through three months of decompression.

Although I didn't go over the edge, I was skating really close to the edge when we played this. Decimus, Tamara, and Sofia have set up a character dynamic that could be really interesting, but could also turn toxic. Although I'm the one most likely to go too far, I'd like to remind people that it's something we all have to work on. We can cooperate while our characters are in conflict. I would just like to re-state for Al's benefit that although Sofia was in a towering rage, Peni laughed as hard as anybody as Decimus and Tamara carried out their insane stunt.

When we last left our story, the compound was cleaning up after repelling the attack of seven hobgoblin assassins and Robyn and Sofia were heading down to check on the Harbormaster while Alfredus and Gaius are fussed over by the mothers of the children they saved last night. It was early morning. Sofia's diary (some of the more personal passages have been edited out, indicated by ellipses) picks up again:

Later the same miserable day:
Let me lead off by counting our blessings. Uncle is here. Decimus has suddenly (and spectacularly) climbed out of his "I'm not worthy and I don't want any responsibility" funk (mixed blessings have to count). The Harbormaster has not gone off to annoy a dragon, and it seems probable the wild elves have accepted my invitation to discuss an alliance against the hobgoblins, which should have the secondary effect of making us appear a less tempting target to the ogres.

On the down side, it's clear that I have no influence on anybody, ... and it is physically painful to keep my composure in public. Also the compound stinks of cremation, and I don't know how much good a funeral service does the deceased when the conducting priest is operating primarily by rote. Orus is hardly likely to hold my shortcomings against them, and I can only hope that the spirits of the sentries forgive me. I think I can stand the posthumous curses of the hobgoblins.

Deciding to take all other steps before summoning the planar ally, we explained to the ambassador and the wild elves about the Harbormaster and brought them downstairs to try to talk sense into it. In the cellar we found the Harbormaster in a vastly altered mood, mightily amused about something, and Decimus and Tamara looking somewhat the worse for wear. Decimus informed me that he had assassinated the hobgoblin king. It appears that during the course of his night's communion with the Harbormaster it occurred to him that, if the Harbormaster would only cooperate, he could use its teleporting ability to conduct a lightning raid (literally) against an enemy.

Although he didn't know anything about the disgraceful attack on us, and when he went downstairs we were all more concerned about Narduk's ultimatum, he for reasons which have not been made clear to me selected the hobgoblin king as the target of his own disgraceful attack. He didn't discuss this with Tamara until he actually began preparations, at which point she asked him what he was doing and, instead of attempting to talk him out of it, joined him. She says she did this in order to look after him, and seems to think that the only alternative was to let him rush off to be killed. Using the Harbormaster to choose their point of entry and teleport them in, they altered themselves to take on the appearance of demons, ... came in 40 feet in the air, and began blasting away with the wand of lightning bolts and Tamara's crossbow ...

They believe they accomplished their purpose of murdering the king, but their last few moments there were fairly chaotic and I'm not nearly as sure as they are. Decimus was transformed into a carp by a hobgoblin wizard, and was saved only by the prompt action of Primus, who caught him and elected to dump him into the river rather than eating him, showing a laudable restraint. Tamara received a barrage of magic missiles and then was held, so that she did not so much fly as plummet. At this point, if the Harbormaster (who, as Tamara hasn't seemed to grasp but Decimus certainly knew, doesn't like us and wants us to go away) had decided to leave them there, the results of this would have been disastrous, for they would be dead (or fish!) and their disguises would have been penetrated.

Fortunately, for his own reasons - he found the whole situation extremely funny, so I suppose he was hoping they'd provide more amusement in the future - he rescued them. Tamara had to go down to his old apartments to find the spellbook that had "polymorph other" in it, and he turned Decimus back into himself, though not without tormenting Tamara by proposing a series of alternate forms, such as a female cat.

It is to Decimus's credit that he at least did not lie about all this. It's possible to think of negative reasons why he would tell the truth, but I'm close enough to despair over all this without doing that to myself.

I left the elves to talk to the Harbormaster and took them upstairs, where I asked Decimus to turn over his magic items, intending to place him on suspension until I could get Uncle for a final disposition. ...It was all out mutiny on their parts, with them making wildly contradictory assertions to the effect that I had never told them not to commit assassination, that I had no right to tell them what to do anyway, and that they decided not to discuss the plan with the rest of us before doing it because they knew I wouldn't let them do it. Tamara said she wasn't going to be limited by the bounds of my religion and when I said I thought it was hers, too, she informed me coolly that her conversion was merely a front.

...I think I swore at her before I stalked away. In my room, I cast Divine Wisdom to improve my chances in case the Harbormaster wasn't distracted enough, and Sent a message to Uncle, then went down to wait for him.

Tamara, apparently not satisfied that I was sufficiently destroyed, came and waited with me, attempting to make the case that their impulsive expedition was an opportunity they couldn't pass up (though she never explained what this opportunity consisted of, since the whole thing was conceived by Decimus on the spur of the moment, used resources he would have had tomorrow, and there was no crisis that they knew anything about), that doing anything other than going along (like talking sense to him) would have been deserting Decimus, and that anyway it was all my fault and I had no right to boss anyone around and - I have got to stop thinking about it. Gaius kindly brought me cookies - he couldn't know how much worse it was to have to stop in the middle to put on an acceptable face and say thank you, but he meant it kindly. Alfredus, thankfully, stayed far away. I haven't talked to him, but he probably would have been on my side, and nice as it would have been, the last thing we need now is factions.

About the time the senatorial guard started teleporting in, I realized that I had been too upset to word my Sending properly. As I recall, it was something along the lines of "Possible threat to empire needs evaluation. Decimus and Tamara mutinous. Please come. I can't do this." I should have been much more explicit about the indirectness of the threat to the empire; it would have saved some anxiety at the other end and prevented his having to disrupt the orderly routine of his guard. He sent 20 of them, and then came through himself.

By this time Decimus had come along and turned over his magic items, and done an about-face, which disconcerted me almost as much as Tamara. I think he means things when he says them, but then the wind changes and so does he. It's exhausting ... Tamara didn't want me to talk to Uncle alone, but the last thing he needed was three voices giving him three different accounts of our situation, and Decimus kept her outside.

I explained about the Harbormaster and the Changese invasion, the ogres, and the hobgoblins, ending with a two-sentence summary of the morning's events. I then took him down to the Harbormaster's lair, where the elves had talked him out of assaulting the dragon by promising to attempt a recovery of elven power on the island which, someday, would be able to remove the wyrm from the tree. Uncle then entered negotiations concerning mutual aid and support against the hobgoblins, and those talks are going well. Robyn helpfully wormed out of the Harbormaster the fact that, though there is a Changese invasion in the works, not all of the visions he sent us were free of hyperbole; primarily, Tarantium itself was never the primary target, but the fort that holds the pass against the orc hordes is.

While I was making final preparations for the funeral, Uncle talked to Tamara and Decimus. I don't know what was said, except what Uncle tells me. He says that Decimus told him he would quit if I were permitted to resign. They both said I was doing an excellent job. I don't know why they'd say anything so obviously untrue. Unless they're defining my job differently than I do, which wouldn't be surprising.

November 25 - Alissa and Father Petronius have come for the wedding. Alissa had an elderly elf with her, the last survivor of Ambassador Amanodel's ship. He was greeted with what passes among elves as visible joy - it was the ambassador's personal servant, and he had faithfully saved some of his gear, so he doesn't have to wear borrowed clothes anymore.

Alissa and Father Petronius have joined in the negotiations with the elves. We all have a common interest in maintaining the autonomy and security of the humans on the island, and not having a repeat of ancient history. The elf king is on his way with a hundred soldiers.

We're crowded enough as it is, but I made space for Alissa in my room and we're all as comfortable as can be expected. It's good to have people around who truly understand what I'm so upset about. I'm afraid Uncle doesn't, really. He still insists he can't spare me and I can't make him see reason. Long talk with Father Petronius. He's right. I can't very well pray for Tamara to have a proper conversion or Decimus to get a moral center until I've stopped wanting to spit every time I see them. So for the time being I'm going to pray for my heart to be softened toward them. Orus will have to help me with that because I absolutely can't do it on my own... Father Petronius says I'm asking too much of myself, that Orus will take care of them and I don't have to. I'm afraid that sounds like a handy excuse for not doing my duty; but it's true I'm not Orus's only instrument and I can take a week off now and then.

Anyway, I'm quitting. They can't blackmail with Decimus's threat to quit. If, as they insist, I'm not the boss of them, I can't be responsible for whether they go or stay.

Lots of housekeeping today, and furious attempts to get the wedding dresses finished. Glad I brought that silk! Alissa says she can get us flowers.

November 29 - Oh, all right, I'm not quitting. But I'm going to find a different way to do it, I'm not going to tamely look on at any more murders, and I'm starting my own rulebook. The ones Mother and the Sisters gave me aren't working.

November 30 - Ambassador invited Gaius, Robyn, Decimus, and I for something called a "tea ceremony." It was very elegant and incomprehensible, and is a way to do honor to his rescuers. I rather liked it. All right, I liked it quite a bit, though I didn't understand most of it. The tea was excellent, and it made a little island of civilization in the midst of our savagery.

December 5 - Elves arrived. My head hurts. My feet hurt. There are too many people here. But it's all going well. The hobgoblin kingdoms are in chaos - both of them, as the group that took over the Tomb of Theodosius fight over who gets to be king now, and their rival kingdom attempts to absorb them. I wonder how long it will take them to notice that the elves are picking at their edges? Tamara looking smug, but the elf king was already on his way here in answer to my message when Decimus had his idea, and a proper military attack on the same target, with coordination between a teleporting group and ground troops, could have accomplished a lot more, far more efficiently, with far less danger to the teleporting shock force.

December 9 - We have given over the main hall to the party the Captain arranged for the grooms, with the stern understanding that it is to be clean and empty of people when Cook's boy gets up to unbank the fire in the morning and that Alfredus and Decimus are both to be coherent, clean, and capable of standing on their own two feet by noon tomorrow. I'll memorize a couple of "quick sobers," just in case! The brides' gathering in the baths is already over and was much less overtly rowdy, partly because there's still so much to do. Which is not to say we didn't have a good time. I thought I would choke to death laughing at some of the things Greta said.

December 10 - WEDDINGS! Decimus and Tamara said they wanted me to do theirs, not Father Petronius, and I admit it would have been strange to have two priests and I would have regretted not marrying Alfredus and Greta. Double sentries, lots of animals spies, but no problems.

December 21 - My first big solstice service went off perfectly. The ambassador attended. Not sure how much he understood. ..

New Year's Day, 1554: Scryed the ogres. No sign of activity.

(Routine entries concerning the day-to-day operation of the settlement, potion and scroll making, medical support for the elves, etc., omitted.)

March 1 - Had the captain take me out to the island where we dropped off the pirates. They all survived the winter and didn't try to kill me when I landed, which I took to be a promising sign. I told them about the elf campaign and how the island is no longer going to be a haven for pirates, suggesting that they consider other lines of work. They wanted to be removed, but I suggested, as an alternative, that they devise ways to warn shipping about the halfing's illusory rocks, in hopes of being removed by grateful crews.

March 14 - Saw the ship off, then Uncle teleported Alfredus, Deciums, Gaius, Greta, Ludo, Robyn, and me all home to Tarantium. The new clothing he'd ordered was all ready. I was delighted with the way mine turned out. Uncle said, rather reprovingly, that he was expecting more decoration, but then I put it on, and my pearls, and he saw the intended effect and approved. Tamara's dress outshone everyone, but I found I didn't mind a bit. ...We had a proper dinner party without a single makeshift, civilized company, paid musicians instead of sailors (though I was beginning to understand the attractions of concertina music), and Uncle presented our bonuses. It's good to be home.

March 15 - We scatter to the four winds, though Uncle wants us all back in two weeks, and drops hints about how much I'll like the next job he has for us. For my own part, it will be no trouble to report for duty on time, as I am staying with Mother and Olivia. The old place is looking quite spruced up. Mother invested the money I sent last year, and has done well by it.

Gaius is tending to sulk about not being allowed a "real" vacation, but I think he'll be surprised at just how few duties he has. Uncle has given him passes to the races and a Blues tunic, which means I'll at least know where he is on race days. Mother has filled up my social calendar, and I can do without a page boy almost every day this week. His new livery is very smart, but I haven't sold him on curling his hair yet.

Arrangements have been made for Ludo (who misses his mommy terribly already) to stay at the his town villa while Alfredus and Greta go on their Honeymoon.

(Two weeks devoted to social calls, dinner parties, theaters, poetry reading, church attendance, book-buying, sightseeing, etc. omitted. Frustration expressed several times at trying to talk seriously about something besides social maneuvering; complete inability of anyone to understand about the Gaians and Utopians, and the number of topics that cannot be mentioned at all. She takes Ludo on a few outings and even goes to the races once with Gaius and Ludo. The Senator also has a tunic and token for Ludo, but he is much too young to go by himself so the Senator will try to arrange for someone to take him a few times.)

March 30 - Mother talks about how sad it is that I'm going, and wouldn't it be nice if Uncle kept me in town a while longer, but I find I am looking forward to the next job. I don't live in this world anymore, and what's more, I don't want to, though I'd like to live in a world that retained the theaters and bookstores and baths without all the superficiality and one-up-manship. I will do better this time, whatever the mission is.